I been having a hard time deciding what on earth I wanted to write about. After my last post in January, I had a glimpse of this pattern emerging, one where I was slowly able to write about the entirety of my life, and in doing so, experience a new level of healing and understanding.
However, as soon as I glimpsed this, it was gone and I was left with logistical questions; should I attempt to keep to some kind of chronological order? What about the things that would be difficult to read, let alone, how could I write them? If I don't go in chronological order, then where on earth would I start?
This is always what gets me and I was having such fun simply writing in this blog; give myself a goal, even a hint of one, and suddenly inspiration is gone. But here's the thing. I already have started and I haven't gone in chronological order and I think it's been working fine. And it makes a kind of sense, that for a year while a woman is waiting for her husband, that she review and put to rest her chaotic past so when he returns, she steps out into her future with self knowledge and grace. I like it; I've been doing it already, and damn it, I'm going to take it all the way.
It was so encouraging to hear you all say I should write a book! Actually, I'm planning on submitting my blog for publishing. I've found a few that specialize in memoirs. I'm not good at fiction, that is, I'm no good at plots. (Which is why I got all confused thinking about the order of even this blog.)
So that's what has been going through my mind the last couple of days. I've been spoiled so far in that it never took long before I knew what I wanted to say and the delight of writing it! The energy of writing is a fabulous thing. I can't sit still for long in the midst of it and am constantly getting up to drink water or on some small, needless errand and while away, know exactly what next to say and then I scramble back to the computer and my fingers are typing before I've even sat down. I have the music cranked up incredibly high and when I am done, I am done and it is a beautiful thing.
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