Saturday, March 7, 2009

Down at Countrytown...

Much to , I am sure, my brothers' dismay, I tend to listen to a great deal of country songs. I don't know how this happened; it just plain sneaked up on me. One day I'm listening to Keith's ring tone telling me that it's a good day to run and the next I'm listening to the songs nonstop on the radio all day.

And it got me thinking, what if there were such a place as Countrytown, USA? Could there be a place where turnip greens are sold from a flat bed Ford and movie stars fall in love with a glass of sweet tea?

These are not the only road blocks to be careful of, if you do decide to visit Countrytown; watch out for the International Harvester. Remember that road runs right through his pay load and it hasn't exactly been a bumper crop for him this year, so be polite and just wave; I mean, after all, the poor guy's been married to the farmer's daughter for ten years now.

Meanwhile, down the road a kid is flying up the drive, laying on the horn and while he might be a hayseed farmer without even a row to hoe, he does have a lot of potential to grow up into a slightly cranky, overprotective father in twenty years or so.

But that's just love and there's a lot of that going around; if you do decide to go fishing, watch out for the great troubadour George because he's got the boat, he's got the paddle and gosh darn it, he can make it float; I have no doubt.

This is mainly because those cowgirls, how about them? Out on those wide open places and in honky tonks drinking whiskey and demanding that they play something country, boy, aren't they something? And cowgirls don't cry, this is their number one rule of thumb no matter what.

Though a few may be waiting behind the door at home with gun powder and shells or possibly burning down the house on Independence Day while their children are off at the fair, but that's just how country justice goes down out here.

Down in town you may come across a welcome home parade or some lemonade, but if you do go down there, watch out for those country boys because they are roving around in droves; you will know them by their trucks.

They may already have a girl, and if so, they'll be riding in the center of the seat hollering "Turn it up!" or possibly in the bed of the truck, where they are being taken for a ride. It is worthwhile noting that these boys are lonely in their new deer stands and also can cure a ham. Especially watch out for the ones wearing camo pants, they are very hard to resist if you are a city girl.

You can come across love sick boys all over the place, even at the local airport where they are draped across their truck, looking at the caramel colored sky or even driving around wildly, pounding on the dash and looking at the sunset in the rear view mirror while sobbing and shouting out loud. So please, be careful if you are driving anywhere.

They can find comfort however, under the light of the neon moon where, we have heard, the girls are back from Saginaw; yee haw! If they are really lucky, they may be able to make a trip to Margarettaville, where we know that it is always five o'clock somewhere, but they should take care to have the appropriate foot ware available, such as flip flops, as accidents can and will happen without them.

And they deserve the break, because typically these boys are slaving away at a big ol' pile of shift work, we're talking, seven to three, three to eleven, eleven to seven, so if they take a lunch break that lasts all day, well, just remember there may be hell to pay, but they haven't had a day off in a year, so they're due.

It may be a tough life sometimes, but people down here enjoy the simple things in life, like the sound of the cooler slushin' and watching their corn pop up in rows; they certainly insist on their chicken fried. They enjoy painting the water tower John Deere green, spending their evenings with nothing but the radio on and drunk calling their ex's at closing time, frequently with a glass of Johnie Walker Red beside them.

Just remember that, at Countrytown, USA, you may have been able to avoid the pain, but you would have missed the dance and no matter what, down here, one can always count on having friends in low, low places. So go demand beer for your horses and whiskey for your men and just know that it's all part of an itty bitty scheme.


jlc said...

I gotta say I listened to more country than I ever have in my life before when I was living down in Tejas.

Now I can say that I appreciate it...

Hey! We don't even HAVE a country radiostation up here so don't blame us northerners for not liking it. We're just not exposed. :)

Post Tenebras Lux said...

Heh heh heh. Nicely done.

Thank you for following!

T said...

Ha! That's good stuff there!

Brandi said...

That was awesome!!! And I recognized several of your references from my own country days before I went Christian Contemporary. I'd love to see a workup on that genre if you could listen to enough contemporary song to write about GodVille the way you wrote about Countrytown.